I'm going.

Well guys, I have an announcement.

I have decided to serve a full-time mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

Here's how it happened:

After about 5 months {since the announcement in General Conference} of praying about whether or not a mission was right for me and teeter-tottering back and forth between "YES I'm going" and "Ehhhh better not.." I had decided that it wasn't for me and that I didn't want to go. At about this time there were some things happening in my family that made me want to stay; so I could be there for them.  I was totally at peace with this answer {or so I thought}. About a week later, I went to a school sponsored event at the Provo Beach Resort with some friends and afterwards, I drove with my friend home. I was kind of vaguely venting to him about what had been going on in my life at that time as well as some things I've been through in the past. Mid sentence he said, "Saige, have you thought about going on a mission? I think you need to go." My immediate response was something like this, "YES.. I KNOW." I was a little shocked at what I had just blurted out of my mouth. I didn't know.. did I? I already made the decision... I wasn't going. But I think deep down I knew that I really was. I knew that going on a mission was really the best thing for me.. and my family. And that is exactly what my friend said next. He said that being on a mission will be the best thing for my family, my little brother especially. I get to be a positive influence in everyone's lives. Blessings come to the families of those that serve. The Spirit testified to me that what my friend was saying was true and that the Lord needed me for his army. Just like Peter, He knows that I love Him. I need to feed His sheep, feed His lambs.


Later that night, I got down on my knees and prayed to know if it really was for me. I wanted to make sure that it wasn't just a feeling I was creating for myself but something He really did want me to do. It is thy will, not mine be done and I just needed to know what His will is for me. I opened the scriptures, just hoping and praying that something would stick out to me. I opened to D&C 126:3. This scripture changed the course of my entire life. It reads, "I therefore command you to send my word abroad, and take especial care of your family from this time, henceforth and forever. Amen." My prayer was answered. I knew. I knew that I need to go.

The next day I went to one of my very best friend's little brothers baptism. When I was there I was overcome with the knowledge that that exact thing was what I needed to be doing. What I had read and prayed about the night before was reaffirmed as this little, innocent 8 year old boy bore his testimony about the truthfulness of the gospel. I knew then that I need to send His word abroad, so that others can feel His love and gain the true happiness that the gospel can and does bring.

My papers are almost finished and they will be submitted in one week!! I am so excited to see where the Lord will send me. I know that where ever it my be, that that is where I am supposed to go and where I can best give the truthfulness of the gospel.

So guys... Start guessing!!

forgiveness

Forgiveness is kind of a hard thing for me to fully grasp. I try hard to get over things that people do or say and move on, sometimes it works better than others, but I feel like I usually do a pretty good job at that.

These past few weeks have been really interesting.. to say the least. The concept of forgiveness was a huge part of that. I received a letter from someone from my past apologizing for some things, and at the end of it, he asked me for my forgiveness. I was shocked. So shocked. I had never in my life expected to receive anything like what I was reading. I found my self seriously reflecting on his request for my eventual forgiveness. I have tried my entire life to get over these hurt feelings and give it to him, but for some reason, it is so hard. I think I have no problem getting over silly little issues because that's way easier than the getting over the bigger ones. When push comes to shove, it is important for me to remember that our Savior has forgiven me of my sins. So, if I am being forgiven of all the things that I do wrong {which happens to be quite a bit} then who am I to not forgive someone else. I'm taking a New Testament class right now, and it's like the parable in Matthew, the one about the king forgiving this HUGE debt that some merchant owed him, and then that same man turned around and would not forgive his servants debt, which was a sliver in comparison to the debt that was forgiven of him. I think I can learn something from this...forgiving is not easy, but I think that once we can fully accept God's forgiveness, it makes it so much easier to forgive others. Forgiving isn't easy, that's obvious, but man does it feel so good when you can just take a deep breath and let what ever it is go. Christ took my sins upon himself so that I can eventually return home. It is clear that this is something that I could never repay, but I can certainly start by having forgiveness.